What do you get when you cross a computer and a lifeguard?
A screensaver!
People Jokes
The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed.
He gave his awl!
What starts with a p, ends with an e, and has a million letters in it?
Post office!
A prisoner was escaping. He dug a hole into a playground and leaped out of the hole, yelling,
“I’m free! I have just become free!” A small girl looked at him and replied,
“So what, I’m four!”
Three hicks were working on a telephone tower – Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”
Jed says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.
Bruce says, “Where did you get that, Jed?”
“Steve’s wife gave it to me,” Jed replies.
“That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?”
Well, not exactly”, Jed says. “When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow’.”
She said, “No, I’m not a widow!”
And I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.
What did the man say to the butcher at the deli?
“I never sausage a place!”
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